The waiting room at the pediatrician's office is a busy place. Toddlers stack blocks. Babies fuss in car seats. And somewhere between signing in and being called back, a new mother is often handed a clipboard with a short set of questions about herself.
Has she been able to laugh and see the funny side of things? Has she been anxious or worried for no good reason? Has she felt sad or miserable? Has she had thoughts of harming herself?
It is easy to rush through those questions while juggling a diaper bag and a squirming infant. But that clipboard is one of the most important pieces of paper in the room. Families who understand why it is there can help a mother make the most of it.
Why the baby's doctor asks about the mother
A mother's well-being and her baby's well-being are closely tied. When a mother is struggling with depression, it can affect her sleep, her energy and her ability to enjoy her child. Pediatricians see babies often in the first year, sometimes more often than the mother sees her own doctor. That makes the baby's checkups a natural place to look out for her.
Her own postpartum checkups include similar screening. Between the two, there are several chances in the months after birth for a mother to say, on paper or out loud, that she is not doing well.
The screening is not a test she can fail. It does not decide whether she is a good mother. It is simply a way for the care team to know when to offer more support.
Why some mothers do not answer honestly
Many women fill out the form with the answers they think they are supposed to give. Some worry about being judged. Some feel they should be able to handle it on their own. Some simply do not recognize their own exhaustion and sadness as something a doctor would want to hear about.
That is where partners and family members come in. If you have noticed signs that worry you, gently encourage her to be honest on the form. Signs worth mentioning include:
- Low mood, crying or numbness lasting more than two weeks
- Constant worry or panic that will not settle
- Loss of interest in the baby, in food or in the things she used to love
- Trouble sleeping even when she has the chance
- Calling herself a failure, or saying she feels hopeless or like a burden
Talking before the appointment
The days before a checkup can be a good time to talk. Find a quiet moment and tell her plainly what you have noticed. Ask how she is really doing, and listen.
If her answers sound hopeless, ask directly whether she is having thoughts of suicide. The screening form asks a version of this question for a reason. It is a standard part of caring for new mothers. Asking does not plant the idea. It makes it possible to talk about it, and to get help.
If she says yes, stay with her and help her reach care right away. Do not wait for the next scheduled visit.
If she is willing, go to the checkup with her. You can hold the baby while she fills out the form, and you can share what you have seen at home when the doctor or nurse asks. Many mothers find it easier to speak up with someone beside them.
After the screening
If her answers suggest she is struggling, the care team may talk with her about next steps or refer her to someone who can help. Families can support her in following through by helping schedule appointments, arranging child care and offering rides.
Between visits, the National Maternal Mental Health Hotline is available every hour of every day. She or a family member can call or text 1-833-852-6262, for free, to talk with a counselor and find support close to home.
The questionnaire takes only a few minutes. With honest answers and a family behind her, those few minutes can be the start of getting the care she deserves.
If you or someone you know is thinking about suicide, call or text 988, the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, any time. In an emergency, call 911.